Weather phenomena is foreign to Southerners
By Bill Kirby | Columnist
Friday, January 08, 2010

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.

-- John Ruskin

The latest weather worries give us an opportunity to discuss that age-old question: Do Southerners know how to drive in snow?

The answer is no. Of course we don't.

We don't have to. We'll sit inside for a day or two until everything melts.

It seems very civilized, if you ask me.

And for the record, we also don't know much about driving in sandstorms or avoiding Midwestern tornadoes.

But it we see any of them, we'll probably close school.


WEATHER ALERT: I ducked into the grocery Thursday morning and saw a big, orange homemade sign alerting everyone that there was a "40 percent chance of snow!"

The rush was on! (Milk was to the left; bread to the right.)


DECEMBER BIRTHDAYS: Dave Lorenzatti, of McCormick, had this to say about my comments on holiday week birthdays:

"I read your recent column about Christmas-season birthdays with great amusement and understanding because I was born on Dec. 26. My parents always had separate celebrations for each but the same cannot be said for many of my frugal relatives from whom came gifts labeled, 'Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday.'

"My mother, rest her soul, took good-natured delight in reminding me almost every Christmas season how she was forced to spend Christmas 1942 in the hospital awaiting my arrival."


TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one shared by John Martone, of Aiken.

Harry was looking for a special birthday present for his wife and wandered into a pet shop. He spotted a very talkative parrot.

The shop owner told Harry that the parrot was a special bird and that he could do tricks and amazingly could speak nine languages!

The bird cost $2,000, however. Harry was so overwhelmed by the bird's talents that he bought the bird without a second thought to the cost.

Harry paid for the bird, but being unable to take it right then and there because of a meeting he had to attend, asked that the parrot be delivered to his home.

Harry attended his meeting and rushed home, eager to see how his wife liked his present! "Well dear, how do you like your birthday present?"

"You mean that bird?" answered his wife. "He's in the oven and dinner should be ready in a little while."

Horrified at what his wife had done, Harry exclaimed to her that he had paid $2,000 for the bird and that it could do tricks and speak nine languages!

Taken aback a little, but not willing to take any of the blame, Harry's wife snapped back, "Well if he could speak nine languages, he should have said something before I put him in the oven!"

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344 or

From the Friday, January 08, 2010 edition of the Augusta Chronicle


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